We are just over six months into this adoption-foster process, the details of which, you can find in our previous blog post. It seems that it may be beneficial to stop, take a breath, and reflect on these past six months. Hopefully it’ll be helpful to you as well. If you are involved, or thinking of getting involved, you can use this as a guide of sorts. Follow in our footsteps were we succeed, and avoid our steps where we fall.
For the most part, practically, things are all setup and in place. There are a few loose ends still left, but our routine is starting to stabilize, and our “seas” look fairly calm as we still have a long way to go. The girls are both enrolled in school, and preschool. Their shots are now up to date. They have been to the dentist, and both received several fillings. They are both enrolled in therapy, and finally, they both have been to the doctor for a regular checkup.
There are still some kinks to work out, for example, my wife isn’t thrilled with the girl’s physician, she felt like the just gave the girls a once over and moved them along, so we may look for a different one. Either way, our pattern of life is settling in, and we are all getting used to our new schedules and routines.
Six months of running around just to establish a routine may seem odd, but when you foster no one hands you a packet of all the relevant information. “Here’s how you get copies of their social security cards.”, “Here’s how to enrol for assistance. “, “Here’s how the next year of your life will play out.”
Nothing.
You’re kind of just out there, and you’re responsible for getting it done. The main reason for this problem is because your case worker, who is your point of contact, Is crazy overworked, so be sensitive towards them, but keep asking your questions. Find out what form of communication your case worker prefers. Our’s prefers emails, so that is the best way for us to inform her of any news, and get any answers to our questions.
Our nieces are improving in all areas. Socialy, developmentally, behaviorally etc. It’ll be hard for you to see it yourself, so you’ll have to rely on the observations of those close to you. For example my mom recently pointed out how well the girls are adjusting compared to when she first met them, to where they are now. This was great news, it’s often very hard to see the progress for yourself, and its easy to think your efforts are in vain. Still the progress will most likely be slow,especially from your perspective.
Stella, our youngest niece started preschool, next year she should start kindergarten, but according to her teachers she is way behind where an average four year old should be. However she is responding well to her new school setting. The recommended solution is to go ahead and start her in kindergarten next year, but plan on having her repeat for a second year. This way she won’t miss a year of school, and should be “on track” come here second year of kindergarten.
Similarly her older sister, Skylee, did start kindergarten this year, she too, has improved a lot since she first started, but is still pretty far behind. Her recommendation is also to repeat kindergarten.
You’ll get a lot of that if your foster/adoption situation is similar to ours, some good news with a little bit of bad news. “The girls are doing better, butt…” The truth is you need to be prepared to hear this, it’s easy to think you could of done something about it, and feel guilty for not doing more. The reality is simply that some things will just take time to work themselves out, and no one likes to wait.
There hasn’t been too much movement in the case itself. A reunification date has been set for the girls and their parents for this August. My understanding is that these dates are an ” if everything goes according to plan” sort of thing. So if mom and dad do the required work, they could have their kids back come August, it could also be pushed back or completely changed. Really it’s up in the air, the courts are incredibly ineffective. The average time a case stays open is a year and a half to two years, August would only be a year, so we will see. As always your prayers are welcomed and we hope you would consider how you can help foster or adopt yourself.
The Great Chase Eight 